Seperated At Birth?

Simon Pegg is living my life albeit in a much more humorous on screen kind of way. Let’s examine the facts, shall we.

In Spaced, the brilliant BBC sitcom he co-created with Jessica Stevens, (directed by Edgar Wright) Simon plays Tim Bisley, an aspiring comic artist (I wanted to write them) working, where else? a comic shop. (I worked in 5 different comic shops growing up.) Tim has no luck with relationships, (check) is a bit cranky at times, (check) obviously loves comics, (check) video games, (check) and prefers Star Wars over Star Trek (check). He even has posters up for Evil Dead 2 and Zombie on his wall, I mean, c’mon!

Simons likeness appears in the ultra violent comic The Boys by Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson. He also wrote the intro to the first collection.
My likeness appears on the cover of the ultra violent graphic novel Recess Pieces by Bob Fingerman. (Which I swear to glowingly review here in the near future, zombies, grade school, need I say more?) I am also in the dedication.

Good old Simon continues his mockery of me with 2004s Shaun of the Dead. The zomromcom he co-wrote with partner Edgar Wright. I think I’ve made myself clear up to this point, my concerns regarding the walking dead. Shaun is absolutely one of my 5 favorite films. I’m not even sure which movie Shaun knocked off my list, but it is my second most re-watched film next to Dawn of the Dead, and I’m willing to bet if there is one person in this world who has as great a respect for Dawn of the Dead as I do, it’ll be Simon Pegg.

Now things are starting to get freaky. In Run Fat Boy Run Simon plays Dennis Doyle, a good hearted everyman who decides to run a marathon to prove he can finish something to himself and most importantly to his ex-fiancee (Thandie Newton) he left at the altar..pregnant. Turns out the ex is involved with a Type A (Hank Azaria) who’s wealthy, handsome and competitive. Dennis sees the connection to everything he cares about fading away, so in a last ditch attempt to prove he’s a changed man he enters the same marathon the Type A is running in. Dennis is coached by his best friend and ex’s cousin Gordon played by Dylan Moran, and his landlord Mr. Goshdashitar (Harish Patel). Gordon has bet everything he doesn’t have that Dennis will finish, (only cause the odds were great) and his landlords daughter will evict him (Dennis) if he does not run.

I don’t want to give too much away. If you’re looking for a lighthearted way to spend an evening, you can do worse than Run Fat Boy Run. Simon and Dylan have a real strong chemistry from years of working together, (the fight scene played out to the Kaiser Chiefs “Everyday I Love You Less and Less” should definitely be a contender for fight of the year at the MTV Movie Awards) and you can tell they’re enjoying themselves. The film does tread some safe romantic comedy territory, but that’s to be expected. David Schwimmer of Friends fame makes his directorial debut with Run Fat Boy Run and I think he did a pretty decent job. Some scenes felt a little sitcommy (where he practiced his new craft) but everyone starts somewhere. The film was written by Michael Ian Black (The State, Reaper) originally to take place in New York, and was later co-written with Simon Pegg and the setting was changed to London. They do hit spot on with some runner humor, and I wonder which of the writers has attempted endurance running before.

Now where have I seen some of this before? Oh yeah, my frakkin’ life! Romantic comedy bits aside, I ran my first Marathon at 40 in New York. The New York Marathon went through my old neighborhood almost every year on my birthday weekend. I would rouse my hungover friends who slept on my floor from the previous night birthday bash and drag them out to listen to thousands of pounding feet going by. I’d have my coffee and my cigarette, and swear up and down that could never be me. I won’t bore you with the details of why I started running, but the official “story” is once zombies started running, I did too. So I’m essentially blaming 28 Days Later for kick starting my running career. My wife Tere made me a sign that reads “Keep Running, Zombies Are After You!” which is a great motivator at mile 18.

How will Simons future mimic mine, only time will tell. There are fortunately no parallels to draw from Hot Fuzz, though I have had my share of run-ins with the po po.

He will be playing Scotty on the upcoming J.J. Abrams re-launch of Star Trek. (Hmmm, Scotty’s an engineer (ship) and I’m an engineer (audio), am I reaching?)

When Simon plays an aging punk rock drummer with an addictive personality, Peter Pan and restless leg syndromes I’m contacting my lawyer, well first I’ll get a lawyer, then I’ll contact him.

Run Fat Boy Run is currently in theaters

Spaced is scheduled for a US DVD release on 7/23/08

Spaced is currently being re-imagined for American audiences (like The Office) without Simon, Edgar or Jessica’s involvement (apparently without their approval either)

MILF Frikkin' Island Baby...The Rock Is Back!

Liz watches MILF Island with Jack

Now that 30 Rock is back with new episodes and I can once again worship at the altar of the Geek Goddess Tina Fey. I need to bring back a Friday tradition (at least 3 times) of sharing my favorite quotes. last night was tough as there was hardly any Tracy, and no Jenna. Pete had a weird subplot which was dialogue free, but used up a lot of time that would normally be spent throwing the jokes around. So what was my favorite bit?

Was it Cheney calling Jack to ask about Deborahs breasts?
"No, they're not real unfortunately."
What about Kenneths "You're eyes look like my uncles after he drinks from the air conditioner."
Maybe it was Soyjoy, now with optimism, or Liz' Cathy "Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, Ack!" If it wasn't Jacks litany of nicknames "Stammerhead Shark, stutterfingers, stuttermilk pancakes. The butter thing opened a lot of doors for them" then it had to be Jack talking about his childhood "I feel like I'm back in that boiler room making little piles of sawdust while Gilley plays with himself in the corner."
No matter, 30 Rock is back and I'm in "Erection Cove".

I think Jack should follow up MILF Island with "Cougar Island" and then "Celebrity Cougar Island" so Jenna can be on and get voted off when it's down to her and Cameron Diaz.

By the way, check out Livin' 'Neath The Law with Jack McBrayer (Kenneth) on Funny Or Die

You can catch Milf Island on Hulu.com

Something's Wrong With My World View 2

I like cereal, who doesn't? I'm not talking about the cardboard like "adult" cereals either. The good Cap'n and his (soy) milk defying crunchiness. The jazzy pep of the snap, the crackle and of course, the pop. The pebbles, both the fruity and the chocolaty. The list goes on and on. The best time for cereal is...well, anytime really. Though nothing beats a bowl of sugar packed goodness on a Saturday morning during a b horror flick, or some Spongebob.
That said, I felt compelled to share this. We have a local market called...wait for it...The Market, (I kid you not) and they carry several "off" brands. That's where I saw this. Sorry about the flash reflection, I felt odd enough taking pictures of cereal boxes to worry too much about artistic excellence.
Only thing this box is missing is a blurb "Packed With Protein!!" Let's talk about the shape of the puffs themselves, take a minute, it'll come (no pun intended) to you. I wonder if the R on his helmet stands for randy. I may need to pick a box of these up for myself, though I fear Saturday morning will never be the same again.

No Country For Me

Last night I fired up the PS3 and popped in The Coen Brothers award winning No Country For Old Men. This was a much anticipated film in my house, and one we thought we would regret not seeing in the theaters. Boy, was I wrong.
Now maybe it's me. Maybe too many grindhouse flicks and a preference for Zombie Strippers have soured my cinematic pallet beyond repair, but this won best picture?...really?
Before you start hating, I liked the film enough. The camera work is impressive, and there are some really great performances. Javier Badem as Anton Chigurh brought the chill with him, but if you want to see a truly scary sociopath curl up with Michael Rooker in 1986' Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, and tell me you won't keep a closer eye on the cable guy next time he comes over.
Tommy Lee Jones as the Sheriff, and Josh Brolin as the any man who bit off more than he can chew were also great, though Tommy Lee seemed to be confused at the waste of his bad-assery at times.
Speaking of wasting performances. Two supporting characters who are portrayed by Woody Harrelson (I don't need to tell you what he's been in) and Garret Dillahunt, possibly one of the finer character actors today, (Deadwood, 4400, Sarah Conner Chronicles) are largely wasted. Harrelson is little more than a plot contrivance, and you feel his role was stunt casting at best. This is like casting Ben Foster (30 Days of Night, 3:10 to Yuma, Alpha Dog) for a walk on in The Hills.
I know there are people out there who think the Coen Brothers can do no wrong, but I honestly haven't been into anything they've done since Fargo, and yes that includes The Big Lebowski, a film I still haven't been able to sit through.
It felt to me like they tried to out grind Tarantino, but without the same snappy dialogue and no real passion for the violence they tried to throw in each scene, except of course where it would really matter. Two crucial confrontations that the audience would truly care about occur off camera, why hold back here when the whole movie is a string of bloody confrontations?
Maybe that was the idea, in a world inured to violence they wanted it to be very matter of fact, of course we may never know since there was no damn commentary on the disc! C'mon, directors as important as everyone tells the Coen Brothers they are can't throw a commentary track down to tell people what they were thinking? Lazy and inexcusable, I have no other words for it.
So, if you liked Fargo, but always wondered how a desert setting would change the movie, then No Country is for you. I may not think it's picture of the year material (in all fairness I was also disappointed by The Matrix) but it is definitely worth the rental. As a slice of (very violent) life, the film works, but if you're expecting a pay off you may be in for a let down. If anything the film limps through the last twenty minutes as if it had buckshot in the leg.

No Country For Old Men is available on DVD and Blu Ray.
The novel by Cormac McCarthy is available in paperback

What Frakkin Time Is It?

last night I had some of the guys over for a little co-op Rainbow 6 Vegas 2. They thought we were playing a game but I'm really auditioning for placement in my elite squad once zombieggedon happens. Sadly, they're not all gonna make it.

No, seriously, how can I think of anything else knowing that tonight starts the beginning of the end of one of the finest tv shows of my lifetime? No, not Flavor Of Love. I'm talking about the 4th season of Battlestar Galactica.

What are you doing reading? You should be home popping corn and calling all your friends and relatives to tell them not to call you while it's on. You should be setting up your season pass, clearing your social calendar for the next dozen or so Fridays. Covering you toaster so it doesn't get any ideas...you know the drill.

I honestly don't think I have ever been this excited about a television show returning, (though I am kinda psyched for Doctor Who on the 18th) so you can expect some Battlestar centric posts over the next few months. Hey, it could be worse, I could really like Gossip Girl. Anyway, if you're a fan like me, enjoy the show. If not, it's not too late to buy or rent the DVDs and see what people are buzzing about. Frak, I'm sure you know someone you can borrow them from.

Oh, and guys, zombies don't know from keyboards or controllers...better work on your headshots.

Battlestar Galactica airs on the Sci Fi channel Fridays at 9pm.

what a great promo

Beat On The Brat With...Well, Anything

I think everything I need to learn about having fun can be learned in Condemned 2: Bloodshot, Sega and Monoliths sequel to Condemned: Criminal Origins, for the PS3 and Xbox 360.

Here is what I learned:
It’s fun to beat on the homeless.
It’s more fun if you’re drunk.
The only thing better than a burning meth head is two burning meth heads.
The cake is a lie…….um, no wrong game.

Condemned 2: Bloodshot continues the tale of now former officer for the Special Crime Unit, Ethan Thomas. It’s nearly a year later and Ethan has sunk into alcoholism following the events of Condemned: Criminal Origins hunt for SKX (Serial Killer X). Ethan’s not the only one worse off. Metro City has deteriorated, largely due to sonic emitters planted throughout the city which amplifies aggression and violent behavior, and the streets are teeming with enraged homeless and homicidal addicts. Ethan is called back to SCU to investigate the disappearance of his friend, and coincidentally SKX’ Uncle Malcolm Van Horn. The investigation uncovers a plot by a secret society known as the Oro as well as the truth behind SKX’ fate and Ethans own role to play in the unfolding plot.

The only way I can describe Condemned 2 is first person brawler. While firearms do play a larger role on certain levels (upon completion you can play through the game a second time as a shooter with unlimited ammo) the true hook lies in good old fashioned melee. Weapons are plentiful in the form of a 2x4 with nails, rebar, pipes, even a foosball stick or prosthetic arm. Pretty much anything you can use as a weapon is. Granted there is not as much flexibility as Dead Rising, and I found myself missing the rebar with concrete from the first game, but there are more than enough blunt instruments of destruction laying around. New additions to the combat system are chain attacks which if executed properly can bring on a world of hurt, and environmental kills that allow you to use your surroundings on a dazed opponent.

The AI seems smarter this time around. They will attack from a distance if possible either shooting if armed, or throwing bricks, pool balls or whatever they can get their hands on. They will hide and jump out or sneak up on you from behind when you least expect it. Your flashlight is your best friend and worst enemy as it reveals your foes while telegraphing your position. It is possible to sneak through levels, but why would you want to?

Forensic investigations play a larger role in Bloodshot, and the familiar tools are back. I didn’t find much use for the GPS, but the UV light, camera and spectrometer are used fairly often and in satisfying ways. The investigations are less linear and take more thought than in the first game and it’s easy to miss something or respond incorrectly leading to a less than perfect investigation score.

Each level grades you at the end based on investigation, timed responses, emitters destroyed and antennas (news reports) found awarding you with a bronze, silver or gold badge. Trust me, you want the gold as this means the best upgrades granted. Upgrades come in the form of taser shots, bullet damage, stealth ability, kick combos, health effectiveness etc. The game also keeps a record of successful combos and extends your chain attack meter as milestones are reached.

The storyline of Bloodshot ties well to Criminal Origins, answering some questions and creating some new ones while setting you up for the inevitable sequel. You don’t necessarily have to play Criminal Origins to enjoy Bloodshot, but since it’s a budget title, why wouldn’t you?

Graphically Bloodshot doesn’t disappoint, though there were some levels that were eye straining headache inducing nightmares. There is a lot of detail in this game and the character models are great and move well. Ethan looks like he’s about to start suffering from DTs at any time.

The control is much more fluid, and at first I thought the game was easier than its predecessor, it’s not. It is more reactive and in the long run a more satisfying experience than the first game. (which was no slouch – seriously, play the first)

There are several multiplayer modes, but I haven’t tried any yet. I did spend some time in Condemned Fight Club where you get to dictate which and how many enemies to fight as well as weapon selection. It’s a good way to hone combat skills and chase after some of the more elusive achievements if you are playing the game on an Xbox 360.

All in all I had a blast with Condemned 2: Bloodshot. The game is atmospheric, raw and engrossing. It’ll probably take you about 10-12 hours on normal difficulty so you may want to give it a rental. However, higher difficulty and the FPS mode alone offer some replayability so if this is your type of game there are worse ways to spend $60.

Condemned 2: Bloodshot is Published by Sega and was developed by Monolith Productions. It carries a mature rating for violence and language, alcohol, drugs and gore. It is available for the Xbox 360 and the Playstation 3

The Data Is In....

SCIENCE!

Ever come across something where you say "Darn, wish I thought of that."?
I can almost always find something to amuse me on Cracked.com, and today is no exception.

Check out the "5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen" then scoff at my planning and preparedness. Afterwards I'll meet you at the Home Depot in the window gates aisle. I'll be the guy with the steel shutters and chainsaw.

The language on cracked.com aint' for kiddies, be warned.